we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
