Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
