im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
