Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
