Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
