Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
