The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My balls are so social today.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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