Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
