At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think your dad took our porno
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
