Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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