The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
