Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
