I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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