He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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