the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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