I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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