All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
