life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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