And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Couch. On fire.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
