oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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