he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
