Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
