Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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