I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
