Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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