I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
