he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize