dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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