I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
