I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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