it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
