I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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