Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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