Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
so much tequila, so little girl.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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