Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
