so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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