Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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