I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
