i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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