I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
