consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
