Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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