Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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