I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
