It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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