Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
