Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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