If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
