You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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