youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
