Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize