if you like me you must not know who I am
She said her name was "party"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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