Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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