you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
