You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Even my vagina gasped.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
