Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just invented taco cereal.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
