tell your sister to shave her snatch
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
