so that wasnt chicken after all
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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