You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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