Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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