Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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