She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
