A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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