I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
