If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
