Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
it's like heaven, but drunker
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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