I didn't shave. On purpose
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Damn victory sex feels great
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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