Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
