just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
