New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
