i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How's work?
Spinning.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
