it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
